Category: Parenting Therapy

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How to Relate to Your Child’s Interests

As parents, you probably have a mental image of the hobbies you will share with your children. You picture tossing a baseball in the backyard or reading your favorite classic novels together. Reality, however, often looks quite different.

Instead, your child develops a deep, inexplicable obsession with a video game you do not understand, a YouTube channel that gives you a headache, or a music genre that sounds like pure noise. The instinct is to smile, nod, and mentally check out. But from a developmental perspective, a child’s interest is never just an interest. It is one of their primary vehicles for emotional connection.

When you dismiss their passions, children often internalize it as a dismissal of themselves. Relating to your child’s interests is not about forcing yourself to love what they love. It is about learning to speak their language so they feel seen, valued, and safe enough to keep inviting you into their world.

Their Hobbies Are Bids for Connection

Psychologist John Gottman coined the term “bids for connection” to describe the small ways people reach out to others for attention, affirmation, or affection. For children, their hobbies are among their biggest bids.

When your child spends twenty minutes enthusiastically explaining the complicated lore of a video game or the plot of an anime, they are not simply sharing facts. They are asking a fundamental question: “Are you interested in me? Am I worth your time?” When you respond with a distracted “That is nice, honey” while scrolling your phone, you are turning away from that bid. Over time, consistent turning away teaches children that their inner world is not valuable to you, and they will eventually stop sharing it altogether.

To build trust, you have to be willing to step onto their turf. Think of yourself as the visitor and your child as the tour guide.

Become an Investigator, Not a Critic

It is natural to judge what you do not understand. If a hobby seems pointless or silly from an adult perspective, the tendency is to dismiss or critique it. To truly connect, you have to change your approach entirely.

Rather than evaluating their interests through your own lens, approach them with genuine curiosity. Ask your child to teach you something. Children spend the vast majority of their lives being instructed by adults, so it is genuinely empowering for them to be the experts in the room. Ask them to show you how to play their game, explain what the lyrics of their favorite song mean, or walk you through how they create their artwork.

It also helps to look past the surface of the hobby and find the underlying value. A child who loves a world-building game like Minecraft may actually be expressing a deep need for autonomy and creativity. A child drawn to multiplayer games may be craving teamwork and strategy. When you connect with the value beneath the interest, you meet them where it actually matters.

Simple Ways to Show Up

You do not need to develop a genuine passion for their hobbies. You do need to show up with presence and curiosity. Try committing to just ten minutes of phone-free, focused engagement. Sit beside them, watch what they are doing, and ask questions. Ten minutes of genuine attention is worth far more than hours of distracted proximity.

When they accomplish something in their game or finish a piece of art, resist the urge to simply say “Good job.” Instead, try: “You look so proud of that. How long did it take you to figure that out?” Naming the emotion behind the achievement deepens the connection.

If you are having difficulty connecting with your child or want support in strengthening your relationship, parenting therapy can help.

Remember, the goal is not to become an expert in everything your child loves. The goal is to build a bridge so they know you are a safe place to land. Reach out to our office today to schedule an appointment.

 

 

Published: April 6, 2026 | Posted by Mary Ellen Benz 

Our goal as parents is not to be perfect, or flawless, or to make no mistakes—that’s just unrealistic! Our goal is to raise emotionally healthy, well-adjusted children who feel confident to one day go off on their own. Maintaining consistent rules, expectations, and emotional responses helps create the stability that children need to grow. In a world that feels chaotic or unpredictable, children rely on their caregivers to be a dependable source of comfort.

Consistency is key, and it plays an important role in your child’s development!

Why Consistency Is So Important

Consistency in parenting builds trust, security, and a clear understanding of consequences. Without it, children are left trying to make sense of uncomfortable situations, which can result in anxiety, confusion, and behavioral issues.

Key Benefits: 

• Emotional Safety: Children feel more secure when they know what to expect. Predictability in your reactions and expectations builds a sense of safety for them.
• Trust in Caregivers: When caregivers respond consistently, children learn that they can rely on their caregivers for guidance and support.
• Responsibility and Accountability: Knowing that actions have predictable outcomes helps children learn about consequences and making better decisions.
• Emotional Regulation: A stable environment allows children to develop better coping mechanisms and regulate their own emotions more effectively.
• Power Struggles: Children are less likely to test boundaries when they know the rules won’t change day-to-day, or parent-to-parent.

Inconsistency Sends Mixed Messages

Whether it comes from differing parenting styles from each caregiver, or a parent frequently changing rules or reactions, inconsistency can disrupt the child’s sense of security.

When parenting is inconsistent: 

• Children will act out more and push boundaries.
• They may feel anxious or unsure how to behave.
• It can delay their emotional and social development.
• Children may develop manipulative behaviors to take advantage of the inconsistency.

For example, if one day a child is punished for yelling, then the next day the same behavior is ignored, the child is left feeling uncertain about which behavior is acceptable. This causes stress on the child and can lead to some serious behavioral issues over time.

Tips for Becoming Better at Consistency

• Agree on rules with co-parents or caregivers: Children benefit the most when adults in their lives enforce the same rules and expectations all around.
• Keep it simple: A short list of clear, age-appropriate rules is more effective than a long list of do’s and don’ts.
• Be realistic and flexible: Life happens, and some days don’t go as planned. Aim for consistency, not perfection.
• Reflect on your triggers: If you find yourself responding differently based on your moods or stress level, consider different strategies to regulate your emotions before reacting.
• Use natural consequences when possible: These teach responsibility without emotional punishment.

Consistency Across All Areas

Being consistent does not mean being unfair or rigid, it means being predictable in a loving yet structured way. It can be especially impactful in:

• Discipline: Set clear rules, precise consequences, and always follow through with them calmly.
• Routines: Regular times each day for meals, bed, bathing, homework, and play.
• Communication: Use consistent language and tone of voice when giving advice, criticism, or praise.
• Emotional responses: Try to respond to situations with steady emotions, even when you’re feeling frustrated.

Need Support? You’re Not Alone

Parenting is deeply rewarding, but often overwhelming. If you find it difficult to stay consistent, working with a therapist can help! Therapy can offer tools for regulating emotions, improving communication patterns, and aligning parenting approaches with each caregiver.

Your consistency shapes your child’s sense of the world—make it safe, predictable, and loving. If you need help, we’re here! Call us to schedule a session with one of our many licensed therapists.

Childhood anxiety can be a challenging experience—not just for the child, but also for the parents! Watching your child struggle with anxious thoughts and feelings can be heartbreaking, leaving you feeling helpless. The good news? There are effective ways to support your child, helping them navigate their emotions and build resilience.

Understand Anxiety

Before you can support your child, it’s important to understand what anxiety is and how it manifests in children. Anxiety is a natural response to stress or perceived danger. However, when it becomes difficult to control, it can interfere with daily life, impacting your child’s ability to focus, socialize, and enjoy their activities.

Common signs of anxiety in children include:

• Physical symptoms like stomachaches, headaches, or fatigue
• Emotional signs such as irritability, clinginess, or excessive crying
• Behavioral changes like avoidance of certain situations, difficulty sleeping, or refusing to go to school

So, how can parents best support their child?

1. Create a Safe and Supportive Environment

Children need to feel safe and understood in order to manage their anxiety effectively. Creating an environment that fosters trust and open communication is crucial.

• Encourage Open Dialogue: Let your child know it’s okay to talk about their feelings. Listen without judgment or rushing to offer solutions to their problems.
• Validate Emotions: Avoid dismissing or minimizing their fears. Instead, acknowledge their feelings by vocalizing understanding and practicing empathy.
• Maintain Routines: Consistency provides a sense of security. Try to keep daily routines predictable, especially during stressful times.

2. Learn/Teach Anxiety-Management Techniques

Equipping your child with tools to manage their anxiety can empower them to face challenges with confidence.

• Deep Breathing Exercises: Teach your child to take slow, deep breaths to calm their body. For younger children, you can use visual aids like pretending to blow up a balloon or imagining they’re smelling a flower.
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Help your child learn to release tension by tensing and then relaxing different muscle groups.
• Positive Self-Talk: Encourage your child to replace negative thoughts with reassuring statements, such as “I can do this!”

3. Help Them Gradually Face Their Fears

Avoiding anxiety-provoking situations can reinforce fears. Instead, help your child face their fears step by step in a supportive way.

• Break Tasks Into Smaller Steps: For example, if your child is anxious about speaking in front of a class, start by practicing at home, then progress to speaking in front of family members before tackling a larger audience.
• Celebrate Progress: Praise your child for their efforts, even if the progress seems small. This builds their confidence and motivates them to keep going.

4. Model Healthy Coping Skills

Children often learn by watching their parents. Demonstrating healthy ways to cope with stress can encourage your child to adopt similar habits.

• Practice Self-Care: Show your child the importance of taking care of yourself by engaging in activities that help you relax and recharge.
• Stay Calm: Your child will look to you for cues. If you remain calm and composed, they’ll feel more secure.
• Talk About Your Own Feelings: Sharing age-appropriate examples of how you handle stress can normalize anxiety and show it’s manageable.

5. Work With Professionals

Sometimes, children may need additional support beyond what you can provide at home. Seeking professional help is a sign of strength as a parent and can make a significant difference in your lives.

• Talk To Your Pediatrician: Rule out any physical health issues that might be contributing to your child’s symptoms.
• Explore School Resources: Many schools offer counseling services or programs to support students’ emotional well-being.
• Consider Therapy: A therapist specializing in childhood anxiety can help your child learn effective coping skills and provide you with tools to support them appropriately. Reach out and schedule a session today!

The teen years get a bad reputation because during this time opinions are forming, roles are shifting, and it can be frustrating for both parents and their teens. I often refer to it as a grieving process for parents. You child who once thought everything you said was perfect and true, now wants zero advice. You can give the best advice in the world, and they will still want to figure it out for themselves. This can feel like rejection to a parent, but it is actually a normal and appropriate behavior in this stage of development. Your teen is trying to navigate independence, and you are having to learn to let go of your level of influence. It’s a push and pull that can leave everyone feeling frustrated and defeated, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are some tips to make the transition in the teen years a little easier.

1. Listen rather than Give Advice

Your teen is learning to think for themselves, therefore, when we jump in with advice, subconsciously they are hearing. “You aren’t capable” or “we don’t think you’ve got this.” This is incredibly frustrating for your teenager because this is the time they want to try out their independence. It is the safest time to try and fail, because they can learn while still under the safety net of their parents.

Stay curious and ask open ended questions. Teens often want to share their thoughts and ideas and if we are curious about their opinions, we communicate respect and that goes a long way for a teen. This allows us to show support and have influence by asking questions.

Make sure to validate their feelings. Even if we do not agree with our teen’s feelings, we can still validate them. For example, if they are mad at their teacher for a consequence they set. You may feel the boundary was appropriate, but arguing with them isn’t going to get you anywhere. You also don’t have to say, “yeah that teacher stinks they are the worst!” You can simply say “That frustrated you, you didn’t feel that consequence was fair.” You validated how they felt, it doesn’t mean you agree or condone disrespect, it means you understand their feelings. You then create a safe place for them to process their feelings and they may even end up feeling safe enough to think about things differently.

2. Create Quality Time Together

Quality time with your teen strengthens the relationship by helping them feel valued and understood. Teens get the reputation of not wanting to be around their parents anymore, and while this is partially true due to their shift towards independence, they still need and want connection with you. So often parents try to influence their teen when their bond is lacking. The bond, is the foundation of your influence. If your child feels connected to you, they are much more likely to respect you and be open to your ideas. If the bond isn’t there, the respect won’t be there, and you are simply another person telling them what to do.

Prioritize their Interest:  It goes a long way to take interest in the things they value and enjoy even if it’s not your favorite activity. I hear a lot of parents say, “well I just hate doing this or it’s boring” etc. but if you want to bond with your teen, be the bigger person and do it anyway! This communicates that you value and respect them and makes them feel seen and understood. That is powerful for connection! Try to do activities that don’t just involve going to the movies or watching a show. Of course it is okay to watch a show with them, especially if it is important to them, but make sure you are being intentional about the time you spend with them in addition to movies and tv shows. Try to pick activities where you can be playful or have good conversation. If they love playing tennis and you’ve never played in your life, let them teach you! It will give them confidence and provide a fun opportunity for bonding. It’s great for your teen to see you struggle with something new, because it models that its good to try new things and  shows them that it’s normal to not be good at something right away.

Plan to have a Weekly Meal Together: Studies show that family meals are linked to better mental health and academic performance in teens. Use mealtimes to chat without distractions. Hint, hint- put away your phone and engage in the present. Maybe you let them pick out the dinner on those nights or you cook together as a family.  These times can create so much value in the family if done with intention

Plan family activities: Go for a hike, have a game night, go bowling, or try a new recipe together. Sharing experiences strengthens your bond and creates positive memories.

Parenting teens is challenging, but with open communication, clear boundaries, and mutual respect, you can create a calm and connected home environment that feels good for everyone. By modeling healthy behaviors and making time for connection, you create a home where your teen feels supported, valued, and respected. Remember, this period is a change for both of you, and each positive interaction helps build a foundation of trust and understanding. If you feel you need you may benefit from learning more positive parenting tips, or believe you or your teen may benefit from counseling, we are here to help. Reach out today for a free phone consultation!

Talking to children about death is one of the most challenging conversations a parent may face. Whether it’s death of a family member, a pet, or simply questions about life or mortality, children are naturally curious and often have lots of questions. As adults, we may feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to explain death in a way that’s age appropriate and emotionally supportive.

However, having these conversations can help children process their feelings, cope with loss, and develop a healthy understanding of life and death.

So, where do we begin to even have these conversations?

Be Honest and Clear

• Use simple language when talking about death. Avoid using euphemisms like “passed away” or “went to sleep,” as these can confuse younger children who may take things literally.
• Explain that death is a natural part of life and be open about the fact that it’s permanent.
• If your child asks questions, answer them simply and honestly. Children appreciate clarity and are more likely to feel safe if they understand what’s happening.

For example, instead of saying “Grandpa is in a better place,” you might say, “Grandpa died, and his body doesn’t work anymore.” This straightforward explanation helps children understand the reality of the situation without causing confusion.

Tailor the Conversation to Their Age

• Younger children, especially those under the age of 5, may have a limited understanding of death. They may not grasp the permanence, and may ask if the person or the pet is coming back. In these situations, it’s important to be patient and try to explain death in simple terms, emphasizing the fact that it is permanent.
• School-aged children understand death more fully. They may have more specific questions about what happens to the body, or why people die. It’s helpful to provide concrete answers while also being empathetic towards their emotions.
• Teenagers typically have a deeper awareness of death. They may be grappling with existential questions about life. Offer a space for them to express their thoughts and feelings, and be available to talk through their concerns.

Encourage Emotional Expression

• Let your child know that it is okay to feel sad, confused, or even angry. Tell them that all emotions are valid, and they don’t have to hide their feelings about death.
• Encourage them to talk about their thoughts and ask questions they have, even if the questions seem repetitive. Children often need to hear things multiple times to process the information.
• Share your own feelings about the loss. If you’re feeling sad, let your child know that it’s okay you both feel this way.

By creating an open and supportive environment, you give your child permission to express their grief and begin to understand the emotions they are feeling.

Use Books and Stories to Explain Death

• Books can be a valuable resource when explaining death to children. Many children’s books help kids understand loss, grief, and the concept of death in a sensitive way.
• Choose books that are appropriate for your child’s age and help explain death through metaphors and stories.
• Read the book together and use it as an opportunity to talk about your child’s feelings.

Stories and metaphors provide a gentle way to introduce complex concepts and open conversations about death that feel less intimidating for both you and your child.

Be Prepared for Difficult Questions

• Children may ask tough questions about what happens after death, why people die, or whether they or their loved ones will die soon. It’s normal for children to be curious, and answering these questions as honestly as possible helps them feel secure.
• If you don’t know an answer, it’s okay to say “I don’t know, but what do you think?” Engaging with children in this way helps them explore their own thoughts.
• Being prepared may also mean seeking help from a professional. If you and your children are processing death, reach out and schedule a session with a mental health therapist.

When a suicide occurs at your child’s school, it can be an overwhelming and deeply emotional experience for everyone involved. As a parent, navigating how to talk to your child about such a tragedy can feel daunting. The goal is to foster open, honest communication while offering emotional support and ensuring your child feels safe and understood.

Here’s a guide to help you approach this sensitive conversation with care:

 

1. Create a Safe Space for the Conversation

It’s important to initiate the conversation in a comfortable environment where your child feels secure. Let them know that you’re there to talk about what happened and that no topic is off-limits. Find a quiet moment, away from distractions, and ask open-ended questions like:

– “I heard about what happened at school. How are you feeling?”

– “Have you heard any details from friends or teachers?”

Encourage your child to share their emotions—whether it’s confusion, sadness, fear, or anger. Let them express their thoughts freely, knowing you’re there to listen without judgment.

 

2 . Be Honest, Clear, and Age-Appropriate

Children process information differently depending on their age, maturity, and prior experiences. It’s important to provide truthful information but to do so in a way that’s suitable for their age group. Avoid overwhelming them with graphic details and instead focus on the facts in a gentle manner.

For younger children, it may be enough to say:

– “Sometimes people have very strong feelings of sadness, and they may not know how to ask for help. When that happens, they might make the choice to end their life, which is very sad.”

For older children or teenagers, you can be more direct:

– “Unfortunately, some people struggle so much with pain that they feel suicide is the only way to escape it. It’s important to talk about those feelings before they become overwhelming.”

Encourage your child to ask questions. Answer them as honestly as you can, but also be prepared to say, “I don’t know” when appropriate.

 

3. Normalize Feelings of Grief and Confusion

Children may have a range of emotions after learning someone in their school has died by suicide, and it’s crucial to validate those feelings. Let them know that grief comes in many forms—sadness, anger, confusion, or even numbness. Each feeling is okay.

You can say something like:

– “It’s completely normal to feel upset or confused right now. Everyone grieves in their own way, and whatever you’re feeling is okay.”

 

4. Correct Misconceptions and Address Myths

In the aftermath of a suicide, rumors and misinformation may spread. Your child may hear things from friends, online, or through social media. Be prepared to correct any misconceptions they’ve picked up. For instance, some may view suicide as a selfish or cowardly act. Others might romanticize it or feel that it could have been prevented easily.

Let your child know:

– “Suicide is often the result of a mental health issue like depression or anxiety. It’s not anyone’s fault, and it’s important to recognize that people who feel this way often need help from professionals.”

Debunking myths helps your child gain a better understanding of mental health struggles and reduces the stigma surrounding them.

 

5. Emphasize the Importance of Seeking Help

This is a key moment to remind your child that they don’t have to carry their feelings alone. Normalize talking about emotions, no matter how dark or overwhelming they may seem. Let them know that feeling sad, anxious, or overwhelmed is part of being human—but those feelings should never be bottled up.

You might say:

– “If you ever feel really sad or scared, even if you don’t understand why, it’s important to talk to someone—whether it’s me, a friend, a teacher, or a counselor. No feeling is too big to share.”

Make sure they know there are always people and resources available to help them, both at school and at home.

 

6. Monitor Their Emotional Well-Being

After the conversation, continue to check in with your child in the days and weeks ahead. Grief and trauma don’t dissipate overnight, and your child might process their emotions over time. Watch for any changes in behavior, mood, or sleep patterns, which could indicate that they are struggling more than they’re letting on.

If you notice any signs of distress, such as withdrawal, mood swings, or an increased focus on death or suicide, it might be helpful to involve a professional, such as a school counselor or therapist.

 

7. Be Prepared to Seek Professional Support

If your child seems deeply affected by the loss or if the discussion of suicide triggers fears or anxieties, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and school support staff can provide guidance and coping strategies to help your child process their emotions in a healthy way.

It’s also helpful to remind your child that seeking help is not a sign of weakness—it’s a way to care for their mental health, just as seeing a doctor helps when they’re physically unwell.

 

8. Take Care of Yourself Too

Having this conversation can be emotionally taxing for parents as well. It’s normal to feel sadness, worry, or even guilt about not having all the answers. Be kind to yourself during this time and don’t hesitate to reach out to your own support system, whether that’s a friend, partner, or mental health professional.

 

Final Thoughts

Talking about suicide is never easy, but with compassion, honesty, and ongoing support, you can help your child navigate this difficult topic. Open communication is crucial, and by starting this conversation, you’re giving your child the tools to express their emotions and seek help when they need it. By fostering an environment of trust and care, you’re ensuring that they feel supported, no matter what challenges arise.  If you feel you need more support for yourself or your child, reach out today to see how we can help.

Remember, you don’t have to have all the answers—just being there for your child is the most important step!