Category: Child Therapy

There is nothing more frustrating than the feeling of invalidation from parents or caregivers. To children, this dismissal sends the message of “your feelings don’t matter.” Growing up this way can have lasting effects, including a strained relationship between parent and child.

What Is Parental Invalidation?

Parental invalidation is when a parent dismisses, undermines, or ignores a child’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences. It can present in many ways, from rejecting the child altogether, to minimizing their emotions to an over-exaggeration. Regardless of its form, invalidation can impact children’s emotional development and their self-esteem.

Why Is Parental Invalidation Harmful?

• Low Self-Esteem: A child may interpret constant invalidation as feelings of worthlessness. They may grow up feeling like they will never be good enough. This can affect their overall sense of confidence.
• Loss of Trust: A pattern of invalidation can damage the trust between a parent and child. Eventually, children will learn not to confide in their caregivers, leading to trust issues that develop in adult relationships.
• Emotional Dysregulation: Invalidation interrupts a child learning to regulate their emotions. They may grow up with little to no knowledge about how they are feeling and why, causing social withdrawal, isolation, and the development of mental health issues.
• Anger: After being invalidated so many times, children may grow up to resent their parents. As adults, they can form and hold on to grudges, making it difficult to mend the relationship.

Ways to Recognize Parental Invalidation

• Dismissing Feelings: Saying phrases like “This isn’t a big deal,” or “You’re being too sensitive,” are showcasing to your child that their feelings are wrong. Children will become ashamed of how they are reacting to difficult emotions.
• Comparisons: A parent telling a child that they should not feel a certain way because somebody else has it “way worse.”
• Ignoring: This is simply parents ignoring a child’s feelings, expressions, changing the subject, or seeming disinterested as they share.
• Mocking or Ridiculing: Making fun of a child’s experience or thoughts, belittling them, or using sarcasm as a response to their expressions.
• Overruling Preferences: This may look like a parent shutting down their child’s ideas. For example, if a child asks for a specific snack, and a parent responds with “no, you’re having this instead,” the parent is ignoring their child’s choice and forcing one upon them.
• Non-Verbal Cues: Rolling eyes, sighing, or walking away are all non-verbal signs of invalidation. Children perceive these behaviors as their caregivers being uninterested in them.
• Negative Behavior Patterns: Interrupting or talking over a child when they are trying to express themselves, or even dismissing their accomplishments, are unhelpful patterns of behavior.

Alternative Approaches

How can parents correct their invalidation patterns? Here are some alternative approaches to try:

Active Listening

Give your child your full, undivided attention when they are speaking. Discuss what you hear to ensure you are understanding them, and if not, ask questions for clarification and to show interest.

Empathy

Even if you cannot relate to what your child is experiencing, try to put yourself in their shoes. This does not necessarily mean to agree with everything they are saying, but acknowledge that you are hearing them and that no matter what, their feelings are valid.

Apologize

Even parents have reasons to apologize. If you recognize that you invalidated their feelings, own up to the mistake and tell your child you are sorry. Not only does this build a connection between parent and child, but it also teaches your children how to apologize when they’re wrong.

Seek Professional Help

If you notice a disconnect between you and your child, seeking help from a mental health professional can provide support and guidance for improving your relationship. Therapists can teach effective communication techniques and help you find alternate ways of validation. Reach out and schedule a session today!

Communicating with children can sometimes feel like talking to a wall. You may be saying the right things, but are they actually listening? As parents or caregivers, effective communication with kids is crucial for their development, understanding, and cooperation. Here are five strategies to help you engage your children in meaningful conversations and ensure that they truly hear what you’re saying.

1. Active Listening

Communication is not just about talking; it’s also about learning to listen and really hear what is being said. When your child speaks, give them your full, undivided attention. Get down to their level, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in what they’re saying.

Active listening involves paraphrasing their words to show you understand, asking open-ended questions to encourage further discussion and to avoid one-word responses, and refraining from interrupting them. By actively listening to your child, you’re demonstrating respect for their thoughts and feelings, which fosters trust and openness in your relationship.

2. Use Clear and Positive Language

Kids respond to clear, concise language that they can easily understand. Avoid using complex vocabulary, and instead speak in simple terms that match their cognitive level. Additionally, frame your messages positively. Instead of saying statements like “Don’t do that,” try saying “Please try it this way.”

Positive language helps children focus on what they should do rather than what they shouldn’t, leading to more cooperative behaviors. Furthermore, be mindful of your tone of voice. A calm and reassuring tone can diffuse tense situations and encourage effective dialogue.

3. Set Clear Expectations and Consequences

Establishing clear expectations and consequences helps children understand boundaries and the outcomes of their actions. When communicating rules or expectations, be specific about what behavior is expected and why it’s important. For example, instead of giving them general rules to follow such as, “Be good,” try explaining specifics about what being good means, like “please use your inside voice and take turns speaking.”

Clearly outline the consequences of not following the rules, but ensure that the consequences are reasonable and related to the behavior. Consistency is key; continue to enforce the rules to help children understand that actions have predicable outcomes.

4. Encourage Problem-Solving and Empathy

Rather than pushing solutions to problems, encourage your children to think critically and come up with their own solutions. Ask them open-ended questions that encourages them to problem-solve, such as “what do you think we should do about this?”

If they hurt someone with words or actions, trying asking them how they think the other person felt by their behaviors. This will empower children to take ownership of their actions and develop problem-solving skills.

Also, teaching empathy is essential for building strong interpersonal relationships. Encourage your children to consider other’s perspectives and feelings. By fostering empathy, you’re laying the groundwork for compassionate communication and conflict resolution skills.

5. Lead By Example

Children are like sponges and learn by observing the behaviors of adults. As a caregiver, it is important to model effective communication skills in your interactions with others, including your partner, friends, and family members. Demonstrate active listening, clear and positive language, and problem-solving techniques with daily interactions.

Show respect, empathy, and patience in your conversations, even in challenging situations. Leading by example will teach your children valuable tools and resources to help them navigate stressors in life. You can help them build a positive and supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves openly and honestly.

Remember, communication is a two-way street, and building a strong foundation of trust and openness is essential for healthy parent-child relationship. It may be beneficial to seek additional help from a metal health professional who can provide a safe space to learn these communication skills. Attend sessions with your child to foster a supportive environment. If you feel counseling may be helpful reach out and schedule a session today!

Parenting can be a challenging journey full of many ups and downs. But what happens when you find yourself facing the difficult reality that your child is acting unkind? You may start to feel confused, concerned, frustrated, or even angry. You may even be in denial about the fact that your child can display such unkind behavior.

However, it’s important to understand that unkind behavior can be a result of various factors. It’s crucial to address these with empathy and understanding. Let’s explore some helpful tips for managing unkind behaviors and the impact it can have on you as a parent.

Understanding Unkind Behavior

Before diving into strategies for managing unkind behaviors, it’s essential to understand why children may display such behaviors. Unkind behaviors can look like aggression, defiance, rudeness, or bullying. Some reasons may include:

Lack of Empathy

Children may not fully understand the impact of their actions on others, leading to unkind behaviors. Without knowing the impact of their choices, they may be more likely to make hurtful decisions.

Emotional Struggles 

Children may be experiencing intense emotions such as anger, frustration, or sadness, which they express through mean actions. Think of them projecting their emotional turmoil onto others.

Social Influences

Peer pressure, bullying, or external exposure to negative behaviors can contribute to children exhibiting their own unkind behaviors.

Developmental Challenges

Certain developmental stages or disorders may affect a child’s ability to regulate their emotions, which also means they can act unkindly to others.

Managing Unkind Behaviors

Approaching your children about their problematic behaviors can be challenging. It requires being thoughtful and proactive. It’s important to foster empathy. Teach your child to understand and consider the feelings of others. Encourage them to put themselves in other’s shoes and imagine how their actions might impact other people. Have them practice kindness and praise them for their success.

Establish clear and precise rules for behaviors; outline what is acceptable and unacceptable. Be firm yet fair when enforcing these rules and try to be patient while your child navigates these expectations.

Create a safe space for your child to express their thoughts and feelings. Listen actively without judgement and help them communicate in effective ways. Children are like sponges and absorb everything that you do. Lead by example by showing kindness to others. Model empathy and respect in your own words when interacting with others.

Lastly, instead of focusing on discipling your child for their unkind behaviors, try to offer support to help them navigate challenging emotions and situations.

Effect on Parents

Dealing with your child’s unkind behaviors can take an emotional toll on parents and caregivers. It’s important to recognize these emotions in order to care for yourself. Be kind to yourself and avoid blame. Your child’s reactions are not your fault and managing their negative behaviors are a part of parenting.

Reach out to outside support from friends and family who can offer guidance, understanding, and encouragement. Remember that it’s okay to take breaks when you need. It will not be beneficial for you or your child if you are both in a heightened emotional state. Carve out time for self-care activities to help you recharge.

Your child will not change their behaviors right away. It will take time, so be patient and understanding as your children work through their emotions.

Seek Professional Help

If you and your child are struggling with managing these difficult emotions, it may be beneficial to seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists can help your child with navigating and dealing with negative emotions as well as correcting the unkind behaviors. They can even support parents with managing their own emotions to help support their children better. Reach out and schedule a session today!

Welcoming a new sibling into the family can be an exciting yet challenging time for older children in the house. They suddenly find themselves in a new role: becoming a brother or sister. As a parent, it’s important to help your child navigate this transition smoothly by fostering loving and supportive relationships with all members of the family. Let’s explore some tips on how to help your child adjust to the new sibling.

Prepare for the Arrival

Involve your child for the excitement of the new baby. Ask for their help in decorating the nursery, picking out toys, choosing the names, and buying new outfits. Educate them on what it means to be a big sibling and all the fun activities they can do together.

Set Expectations

While it may be difficult for them to understand, explain that babies require a lot of attention and care. Let them know that there will be times when you need to focus on the baby, but reassure them that you love them just as much, and that will never fade. Encourage patience by explaining that babies cry, sleep often, and need to be fed. Make connections by saying that used to be them when they were small.

Bonding Opportunities

Encourage bonding activities between siblings, such as helping with diaper changes, reading stories together, joint bath time, and playtime. As a parent, it is important to make all children feel equally loved and valued. Try to spend quality time with each child one-on-one. This will be important as the new baby arrives.  Have one parent watch the baby while the other parent spends uninterrupted time with the other child.  10 minutes of uninterrupted play time go a long way. Not to mention Play your child’s primary language, so when you take the time to get on their level, and play with them. You are communicating, I love you, you matter, and you are important to me, in their they most easily understand.

Kids can often feel jealous, especially because they may feel that the baby is getting more attention. Be sure to carve out alone time with the other kids too so they don’t feel forgotten. Make sure to never blame the baby for a reason you cannot do something. For example: instead of saying- “We can’t go to the park right now, your sister is still napping.” try saying, “We can’t go to the park right now, but we can go in a couple of hours.” This will help reduce the possibility of resentment that the baby is “taking from them.”

Teach Empathy

Teaching emotions to your child is a great way to help them adjust to the new baby. Educate them about the baby’s needs by helping them relate to feelings of hunger, thirst, anger, sadness, and joy. Model empathy by showing compassion towards everyone’s feelings. Explain to your child how their expression of needs may look differently than the baby’s, but that does not mean their needs are more important. Positive Reinforcement

Provide your child with praise when they are helpful and respectful of the new baby. Positive reinforcement can build confidence and strengthen the bond between the siblings. Celebrate milestones and achievements of both the older child and the baby, whether it’s baby’s first steps or your older child’s help with a chore.

Establish Boundaries

Setting boundaries can ensure that all children feel respected and safe. Teach the older child to be gentle with the new baby, such as soft touches, inside voices, and light play. If you feel your child becoming overwhelmed with the presence of the baby,  encourage them to take breaks, get a snack, or do a solo activity.

Be Patient and Flexible

Adjusting to a new family dynamic can take some time, so do not be discouraged if your older child takes some time getting used to the new addition. They are learning to navigate a new role and understand their emotions. It is important to remain open and flexible with routines and development. Behaviors may start to increase as the arrival date comes closer. Try to refrain from punishments as the older child adjusts to the idea of the new baby.

Seek Outside Support

Supporting your older children while caring for a newborn can feel exhausting. As a parent, it is important you seek additional support from family, friends, and even a mental health professional. Engaging in individual or family therapy sessions can be a safe and nurturing environment to learn positive parenting techniques, coping skills, and processing the adjustment of the family dynamic. If you would like to learn more about how we can support you and your child in this process, don’t hesitate to reach out on our contact page.

COVID-19 was an extremely challenging and trying time for many individuals. While quarantine, masks, and sanitizing are all decreasing in severity, the lasting effects of the pandemic still remain. Children growing up during this time have had different experiences than adults. Losing social connections, extracurricular actives, and fearing public places and crowds can have damaging impacts on a child’s development.

Effects of COVID

The pandemic has affected many different areas of life. As if being a child wasn’t hard enough, we now live in a much different world. Adjusting at a young age can provide some new challenges that children are struggling to face.

Disruption in Routines

Developing and following a routine is important for children. It helps them learn responsibility, structure, and regulation. Having this disrupted can cause emotional instability and confusion. During the height of the pandemic, when everyone was stuck indoors, children lost their sense of following order and routine, ultimately making them more irritable with no place to release their pent up energy.

Social Isolation

An important milestone in child development is learning social skills. Mostly, children learn these by going to school and engaging in organized activities. COVID put a stop to any in-person gatherings, meaning that children were not exposed to social interactions as much as they could have been. Being taught to fear going near people can create social anxiety and limit the development of social skills.

Another issue is the overuse of technology. Children who had access to the internet learned to socialize with people virtually. Bering so reliant on screens also impacts social skills and enhances isolation.

Anxiety and Depression

The pandemic caused a spike of mental health issues, specifically anxiety and depression. Children began to experience these symptoms after months of staying inside. Not having outlets outside of their homes to socialize, express themselves, and practice skills made children learn to suppress thoughts and feelings internally.

Academic Difficulties

Many, if not all, schools transferred to an online platform so children could stay safe in their homes while still attending classes. Throughout this time, kids picked up on unhealthy study habits, lost motivation to turn in assignments, and had a hard time focusing in classes that were held online. They became so used to this way of learning, that a lot of children struggled with the adjustment back into in-person schooling. Even today, kids have a more difficult time staying on track and focusing in school.

Increased Health Concerns

The lasting effects of COVID are still being discovered, but as children grow and develop in this post-pandemic society, it is possible that other health effects start to become present. The fear of the unknown can impact stress levels as well as mental health symptoms. Children may develop an intense fear of germs or constantly feel worried about their physical health.

How to Help

It can be difficult for parents to watch children struggle in this new world, but there are ways to help! First, make sure your child feels well supported and validated. Educate them on the reality of the pandemic, how to stay safe and healthy, and also how the pandemic affects everyone, and that they are not alone. Encourage them to still engage in fun activities and make friends with other kids at school.

If you are struggling with your child’s mental health, it may be beneficial to seek help from a professional. Therapists can help support your child in a safe environment and help them through the negative mental effects of COVID. Family therapy is also an option where you can learn skills together and find solutions on how to move forward. Reach out and schedule a session today!

We hear the phrase all the time, “Oh, my child is just shy!” Shyness in young kids is common. They are learning to make friends and socialize with people besides their immediate family. It may take some time to get used to. However, it is possible that the feelings go farther than just “being shy.” In fact, children can develop social anxiety disorder, which is an extreme worry about being rejected or judged by others. But how do we tell the difference?

Social Anxiety vs. Shyness

When kids are labeled as “shy” or “introverted,” it’s more due to a personality trait. They may present as weary, passive, hesitant, and avoiding eye contact. Children who are shy may take some time to warm up, but once they are comfortable in social settings, their shyness dissipates.

Social anxiety presents differently. There is a mix of physical and emotional symptoms that cause extreme distress on the child. They may be self-conscious about how they act in social situations and fearful of how they may be perceived by their peers. Children can be so afraid of doing or saying something embarrassing that it’s possible they avoid social interactions altogether.

Signs and Symptoms

While most children try to hide their anxiety, symptoms can look like:

• Sweating, shaking, shortness of breath
• Overthinking tendencies, such as “What if people don’t like me?”
• Crying and throwing tantrums
• Anger, frustration, and aggressive behaviors
• Defiance or avoidance

Every child is different, so social anxiety may not look the same in everyone. Some kids may be anxious in situations involving crowds of people, while others can feel nervous ordering food at a restaurant or asking for help. Below are some examples of social anxiety-provoking situations:

• Walking up to a group of friends whispering and laughing. Even after they assure you that they were not laughing at you, you still worry that they were.
• Wanting to try out for your favorite sports team, but deciding not to due to being afraid that people will watch you play.
• Refusing to answer or ask a question in class because you may sound “stupid.”
• Dreading public speaking or reading aloud in fear of messing up and being embarrassed.

Risk Factors

While there is no sure way to tell how social anxiety develops, it is possible that some factors may influence the disorder.

• Family history plays a role in the diagnosis. Children are more likely to develop anxiety if it runs in their biological family.
• Negative experiences such as bullying, ridicule, trauma, neglect, and abuse can contribute to symptoms of social anxiety.
• Moving or relocating forces the child to form new friendships and talk to new people, and may cause social distress.

If left untreated, social anxiety present in children may have serious complications in adulthood. Anxieties can interfere with relationships, work, or just enjoyment of life in general. Adults may develop a low-self esteem, poor social skills, isolation, hypersensitivity, and even suicide. To avoid these negative consequences, it is important to treat social anxiety in childhood.

Treatment

As a parent or caregiver, it is imperative to not force your child into social situations that make them uncomfortable. Social anxiety is not something they will just grow out of. It takes time, patience, and encouragement from loved ones. Depending on the severity, medication may be necessary to manage symptoms. The best treatment option would be to seek help from a mental health professional. Counseling and Play Therapy are both great options to try before seeking medication.

Therapists can teach and encourage appropriate social skills with your child in a safe and welcoming space. If you child is afraid to separate from you, attend the first few sessions with your child to demonstrate the skills, help build a relationship with the professional, and support them with their treatment process. Reach out and schedule your first family session today!

 

About 97% of Americans have a cellphone. That’s an incredible number when you really think about it. You may not have had one growing up, but now you probably can’t imagine your life without your phone by your side.

Today’s kids are growing up in a culture already immersed with technology—including smartphones. You’ve probably seen children with a phone in their hands at a very young age and found yourself wondering how young is too young.

Because kids are growing up in this cellphone-forward society, it’s likely they’ll ask for one of their own before long.

Maybe your child already has.

There’s no denying that there are plenty of perks to cell phone ownership, even for kids. However, they also come with a host of concerns. So, what can you do, as a parent, to make the best decision? Is your child ready for a cell phone? Let’s cover some practical tips you should keep in mind as you make that choice for yourself, your kids, and your family.

What’s the Best Age?

There’s no “perfect” age for a child to have a cell phone. As of now, pediatricians recommend that parents should wait until their children are around 13 years of age. However, you know your child better than anyone, and if you think they’re responsible enough for their own phone, it’s completely up to you.

So, what factors should you consider if you’re thinking about getting your child a phone at a younger age?

First, determine their readiness.

Have they shown signs of responsibility? Are they able to take care of something? Do they know the value of a phone?

Next, have a talk with them about why they really want a phone. If it’s just because their friends have one, it’s okay to hold off for a while. However, if they have specific reasons for wanting it, even if it’s just to play games, then you’ll know they have a basic understanding of what the phone can be used for, and they might be ready for it.

What Are the Benefits of Giving Your Child a Phone?

Many parents choose to let their young children have phones because of some of the perks. Phones can be used to stay connected. If your child is at school, at a friend’s house, or at an extracurricular activity, they’ll always have a way to reach you.

There’s also an endless amount of information available to them through a phone. They can use it for research, and it’s a fantastic way to promote independence and get them used to online safety practices.

What Are Some of the Risks?

Some of the biggest concerns over kids having cell phones include:

• Cyberbullying
• Decreased sleep
• Distractability

Without boundaries and rules in place, your child could also post the wrong things on social media, or give out sensitive information that could put them (or your whole family) in jeopardy.

As your kids get familiar with how to search for things online, the phone could also turn from a research tool to something incredibly dangerous. Kids are going to get exposed to the dangers of the Internet at some point. However, as a parent, it’s important to do what you can to protect them from those risks for as long as possible.

What Should You Do?

If you want to get your child a cell phone, the best thing you can do is have several talks with them about it beforehand.

Create rules and boundaries. Install parental controls and website/app blockers on the phone. Most importantly, check their phone multiple times a week to see what they’ve been doing and who they’ve been interacting with.

By having some precautions in place, you can make cell phone use safer for your kids. Ultimately, though, it’s up to you to decide when the time is right.

 

When children lie, it can be extremely frustrating for parents to manage. Beyond common beliefs, lying is actually a typical stage in child development. Lying can be a way for a child to get their needs met, or how they are exploring their own interpersonal and decision-making skills. Let’s discuss some reasons behind the lying, as well as strategies to use to decrease the behavior.

Possible Reasons for Lying

Avoiding Punishments

A common reason for lying is children trying to get out of a consequence or punishment for a behavior. Kids may learn to be scared to tell the truth because of the severity of negative outcomes. If there is no reward for telling the truth, or an understanding as to why telling the truth is important, children will result to lying to avoid facing the consequence.

Testing Limits

As children grow older, they start to have curiosities about specific behaviors. What will happen if I do this when my parents told me not to? What will happen if I say something when it’s not true? Children do not entertain these thoughts to be intentionally malicious, but rather are trying to discover their place in the world and understand the difference between “right and wrong” or “good and bad”.

Gaining Approval

Sometimes lying can be a way for children to build confidence in themselves. Perhaps they believe that telling a lie will make them seem more impressive to people in their lives.

Speaking Before Thinking

Kids tend to be impulsive, and they may just blurt out an answer before thinking it through. Sometimes, children can forget the answer to the question asked. For example, if you ask a child “did you do your homework?”, they might think they did and will respond with “yes”. It is possible they genuinely thought it was completed, even if later it’s found out it wasn’t.

What Caregivers Can Do About Lying

Determine the Reason for the Lie

Trying to figure out why the child may be lying is likely to help parents stop the behavior. If the reason is trying to gain approval due to low self-esteem, help your child build their confidence by supporting and learning ways to have them feel better about themselves. If the child is trying to test limits, stay calm and continue to reinforce boundaries and expectations of behaviors. Do not use extreme punishments, and encourage telling the truth. Reassuring that truth-telling will not result in negative consequences may be beneficial as well.

Allow Time to Think About Responses

As mentioned earlier, children can be impulsive and just blurt out the first thing on their mind. If you suspect that the child is lying, walk away and give them time to think. Tell them you will check back in later to see if maybe their answer has changed. This will allow them time to think through the questions asked and give an appropriate response.

Reinforce Honesty

Providing children an explanation as to why lying is bad as well as the importance of honesty will help them understand. Praise them when they are honest which in turn will encourage the behavior. Set the expectation that telling the truth will result in no to minimal punishment, whereas lying will make the consequences much worse. Create an environment where they feel safe and secure to tell the truth.

Seek Help

While these strategies can be useful, they may not help everyone. If you find you are still struggling with your child lying and managing these behaviors, reach out to a therapist and schedule some family sessions. Mental health professionals will work with you and your child to discover the root of the lies as well as how to effectively manage them.