Category: Child Therapy

As children grow and learn how to navigate through social situations, they may start off as being a little shy. Over time, children develop social skills, which gives them more confidence. However, some children experience intense anxiety when faced with socialization.

Do not mistake anxiety for shyness. In fact, anxiety can sometimes become so severe that it affects relationships with peers, performance in school, and participation in daily activities.

What Is Social Anxiety?

Social anxiety is a persistent fear of social or performance situations where the individual fears they may be judged, embarrassed, or humiliated. In children, these fears are present at school, playdates, and even family gatherings. Unlike shyness, social anxiety can cause intense distress and lead to anxious behaviors that interfere with their development.

Signs of Social Anxiety in Children

While adults have the skills to express how they’re feeling, children may struggle to put their emotions into words. Instead, their anxiety presents in emotional or behavioral ways.

Avoidance of Social Situations

Children with social anxiety often go out of their way to avoid people, or to not be the center of attention.

• A child might refuse to attend parties or playdates.
• They may avoid group activities at school, like raising their hand in class or participating in group projects.
• They may even refuse to go to school altogether, especially if there is a presentation or group activity planned for that day.

Intense Fear of Embarrassment

Children with social anxiety often have an overwhelming fear of doing something embarrassing. They may feel:

• Fear of answering questions incorrectly in class
• Worry about being made fun of for their appearance, voice, or behavior
• Reluctance to eat in front of others, join games, or use public restrooms

This fear of embarrassment causes children to become excessively self-conscious and lowering their self-esteem.

Clinginess or Dependence on Caregivers

Children may become overly reliant on their parents or caregivers for comfort, especially in unfamiliar situations. Children may:

• Refuse to separate from a parent at school or an event
• Insist on having a parent stay with them in social settings
• Experience tantrums or meltdowns when faced with separation from a caregiver

Difficulty Making or Keeping Friends

Social anxiety makes it hard for kids to form friendships. Even if they long for social connections, their fears often hold them back. As a result, children can:

• Struggle to initiate conversations or join in to play
• Withdraw from peer interactions, choosing to sit alone or engage in solo activities
• Feel overwhelmed in situations with multiple children, such as at recess or in sports teams

The Impact of Social Anxiety on Children

• Academic Challenges: Because of their fear of participating in class, they may avoid answering questions, doing group projects, or giving presentations. Over time, this may lead to failing grades and poor academic performance.
• Social Isolation: A fear of judgement prevents children from maintaining and making friends, leaving them feeling lonely and disconnected from their world.
• Low Self-Esteem: When a child believes they are constantly being judged or that they are not capable of handling social situations, their self-worth can plummet.

What Parents Can Do

If you start to suspect your child has social anxiety, early intervention is key.

• Encourage Gradual Exposure: Encourage your child to engage in scary situations gradually. Start with small, manageable steps, like inviting one friend over to play, then slowly build up to more challenging situations.
• Avoid Overprotection: It can be tempting to shield your child from anxiety-provoking situations, but overprotecting them can reinforce their fears. Instead, provide support while also gently encouraging your child to conquer their fears.
• Seek Professional Help: One of the best ways to help your child overcome social anxiety is to schedule them with a mental health professional. Therapists can help with the development of coping skills and allowing them to feel more confident in their social skills. Help them conquer their anxiety and schedule their first session today!

Children are incredibly resilient, able to overcome and bounce back from many life challenges. They are not, however, immune to the effects of trauma. Trauma experiences can leave deep, lasting scars on a child, and as parents or educators, it’s important to understand these effects while learning how to help children overcome trauma.

So where do we start? Follow this guide!

Understanding Trauma in Children

Trauma can manifest in various ways, depending on the child’s age, personality, and the nature of the traumatic event. Some common signs of trauma include:

• Emotional Changes: anxiety, depression, or irritability.
• Behavioral Changes: aggression, withdrawal, difficulties in school, or what is referred to as “regressive behaviors,” which could look like bed-wetting or resulting back to younger ages.
• Physical Symptoms: headaches, stomachaches, fatigue.
• Cognitive Impacts: Trouble concentrating, confusion, or memory loss.

Each child’s experience with trauma is unique. As adults, it can be difficult to understand what is really going on with a child. What may seem minor to an adult could be deeply distressing for a child, and vice versa. Therefore, understanding specific ways in which trauma affects a particular child is important before the healing process can begin.

How to Help with Overcoming Trauma

Establishing a Safe Environment

Safety is of the utmost importance when helping a child heal. Creating a safe, secure, and predictable environment helps children feel protected and reduces anxiety.

• Consistency: Try to maintain consistent routines and rules. Predictability helps children feel safe and reassured.
• Comfort: Provide physical comfort, like hugs or holding their hands, if the child is comfortable with it. Physical reassurance can be powerful, especially for younger children.
• Space: Ensure the child has a safe space of their own, where they can go when they are feeling overwhelmed.

Open Communication

Children need to know that it is okay to talk about their feelings and experiences, but they should never be forced to share before they are ready.

• Listening: Encourage the child to express their thoughts. Actively listening to them, and not responding right away, can be helpful for them to process what they have been through.
• Language: Use age-appropriate language with them when discussing their trauma. Be honest, but avoid graphic and unnecessary details.
• Validation: Validate their feelings and reassure them that it is okay to feel angry, sad, hurt, scared, etc.

Providing Emotional Support

Children who have experienced trauma often experience a range of emotions. Providing emotional support is essential for them to fully process.

• Empathy: Show empathy by acknowledging their pain and offering comfort. Let them know that you understand that they are hurting.
• Patience: Healing from trauma takes time. Be patient with the child, and try not to put pressure on them to “get over it”.
• Affection: Offer unconditional love and affection. Reassure them that they are loved, no matter what.

Building Resilience

Helping a child overcome trauma isn’t just about addressing the past. It’s also about preparing them for the future.

• Problem-Solving Skills: Teach skills that empower children to handle challenges confidently.
• Self-Esteem: Foster a sense of self-worth by recognizing and celebrating the child’s strengths and achievements.
• Positive Relationships: Encourage positive relationships with other peers and adults. Healthy relationships are a crucial part of the healing process.

Seeking Professional Help

While all the above strategies can be helpful, professional intervention is often necessary.

• Therapy: Child psychologists or counselors specializing in trauma can provide the necessary tools and coping strategies.
• Support Groups: Peer support groups can be beneficial, as they allow children to connect with others who have experienced similar situations.
• Family Therapy: In some cases, family therapy can be helpful to address dynamics that may be contributing to the child’s trauma.

There are ways to help a child overcome trauma. Seek help from a professional, and schedule a session today!

In today’s world of multi-media platforms, streaming services, gaming consoles, and mobile devices, it can be nearly impossible to keep an eye on your children’s media use. While this technology can provide a source of learning and entertainment, there are also risks involved that present challenges for parents. One of the most pressing questions you may be asking yourself is, should I be monitoring what my kids are watching? The answer is not a simple yes or no; it’s an issue that requires a balance between trust, protection, and education.

The Importance of Monitoring

Parental tools are helpful for ensuring that children are not exposed to inappropriate content. The internet is vast, and often unfiltered, offering both educational recourses and material that is far from child-friendly. For younger children, it’s helpful to monitor their online activity to prevent exposure to violence, sexual content, or other older, adult themes.

Protecting Against Harmful Content

Children are naturally curious, and without proper guidance or education, they can easily stumble upon content that is not age appropriate. Monitoring what your kids watch can help you prevent them from being exposed to harmful content. Guide them towards exploring child-friendly websites, education resources, and fun entertainment.

Preventing Online Dangers

The internet is a dangerous place, and if children are not careful, they may find themselves in harmful situations. We never fully know who we are talking to online. Just because someone says they are who they say they are, we can never be really sure. Monitoring helps parents ensure that their children are not communicating with strangers who may have malicious intentions.

Managing Screen Time

Excessive screen time can be a concern with children’s development. They lose track of time, disengage with family, and struggle with focus. Nowadays, most media platforms have parental controls for parents to set limits for internet use. By controlling your child’s consumption of media, you can encourage other activities like outdoor play, reading, game nights, or family time.

The Downside of Over-Monitoring

There are many benefits to monitoring what your children watch, however, there are also significant drawbacks to consider. Over-monitoring can strain the parent-child relationship and limit the development of certain life skills.

Trust

If children believe they are constantly being watched, they may start to think you don’t trust them. Ultimately, children will give into this mistrust and start rebelling, doing the things parents don’t want them to do just because. They may even feel resentment towards their caregivers. Having trust in your children is important for them to learn responsibility.

Independence

Children need space to make mistakes, learn, and explore. By over-monitoring, parents can cause their children to feel nervous about making decisions. As they grow older, children need the freedom to make their own choices and learn from potential consequences. It allows them to develop critical thinking skills and the ability to determine good content versus bad.

Privacy

Children, especially teenagers, value their privacy. Constant monitoring can feel like an invasion, leading to strained parental relationships. As parents, it’s important to find a balance of ensuring safety and not crossing boundaries.

Finding a Balance

We weighed the pros and cons of parental monitoring, and the question remains the same. Should parents be monitoring their children’s media content? The answer: it’s all about balance.

• Age-Appropriate Monitoring: Younger children often require more insight than teenagers. Allow them a certain amount of freedom based on their age and maturity level.
• Education: When children are young, teach them about safety. Educate them on what’s appropriate or not, how to stay safe and make good choices, and what is allowed and what isn’t.
• Stay Involved: Involvement does not mean surveillance. Ask questions about their internet use, vocalize your concerns, and share expectations. Try not to dictate what they watch, but encourage.

If you find yourself struggling with your child’s media use, reach out and seek help from a mental health professional!

It’s not a secret that parenting is no simple task. With busy schedules, changes in daily routines, and balancing work, personal, and family life, it can sometimes feel like you’re out of sync with your parenting. While this is normal, it is important to ensure that you find ways to realign. Why? Because parenting consistency is one of the most critical aspects of raising children.

What Is Consistent Parenting?

It’s not solely about sticking to rigid routines or a strict set of rules, but about providing a stable, predictable environment in which children can grow and develop. This consistency means that you’re set with your expectations, reactions, and actions. You will follow through exactly as you say you will. Parenting consistency promotes stability, which plays a crucial role in the emotional, cognitive, and social development of children.

Emotional Development

When parents work to provide predictable surroundings, children feel secure and understood. They thrive when they know what to expect, as it helps them feel safe because they can anticipate the outcomes of their behaviors and the reactions of their caregivers. This sense of security allows them to explore the world with confidence, knowing that they have a stable place to return home to. Consistent responses help children understand cause and effect, which gives them the room to regulate their emotions more effectively.

However, if a child is receiving inconsistent responses from their parents, such as being punished once and then ignored another time for doing the same action, it creates a sense of stress and confusion. Children may not understand boundaries or rules, especially if they are not clearly set. As the child continues to develop, they may start to experience anxiety around unknown situations, and may not fully understand consequences to behaviors.

Cognitive Development

Having a clear understanding of rules, expectations, and routines can be essential for learning and problem-solving. When children know what their expectations are, they can focus on mastering skills and learning to explore without worry of unpredictable events. For example, setting a regular bedtime routine helps teach children about the importance of sleep. Or similarly, a consistent homework schedule helps them develop time management and organizational skills.

Inconsistent parenting, on the other hand, can hinder cognitive development. If a child is constantly worrying about their changing environments due to the fluctuation of rules and expectations, they may not focus their energy on much else. They may begin to struggle with attention and focus, causing a decline in their academic success or willingness to learn new skills.

Social Development

Social skills are another area that can develop effectively with consistent parenting. When parents are consistent with their rules and expectations, it helps children learn appropriate social behaviors. Parents take time to teach kids manners, sharing, and cooperation, which ultimately helps them learn social norms that they can apply to interactions with peers. Consistency helps teach the importance of empathy and respect, which is important for forming healthy relationships.

Inconsistent parenting can lead to social difficulties. If children receive mixed messages from their caregivers when addressing aggressive behaviors, inappropriate language, or disrespect, they may have difficulties navigating social interactions. When children lack an understanding of social norms and behaviors, they may also struggle with making friends in early years, which can lead to prolonged feelings of isolation and loneliness in adulthood.

Maintaining Consistent Parenting

Achieving consistency may not always be easy, but with patience and effort, it’s possible! As a parent, you want to make sure your rules and expectations are clear, and when a child disobeys, always follow through with appropriate consequences. Be sure to communicate with your children openly and be a role model for the behavior that you wish to see. If you or your child seem to be struggling with the inconsistencies of parenting, it may be beneficial to reach out to a mental health professional!

 

There’s no denying that sometimes it feels great to disconnect from the world. We live in a society with smartphones, information, and entertainment at our fingertips! The mindlessness of scrolling, watching, and reading instantly is a much needed distraction from the stresses of daily life, including parenting.

It’s no secret that raising children can be challenging, and it is all too normal to want to find ways to put your mind at ease. Is it possible, though, that excessive phone use is actually distracting parents too much?

The Reality of Divided Attention

Divided attention is also known at multi-tasking, where we tend to focus on multiple tasks at one time. With all the hustle and bustle of daily life with children, parents often find themselves multi-tasking a lot. However, our brains are not as equipped to multi-task as we may believe. When attention is split, performance during tasks often suffers. So, while we are trying to watch or play with our children, and also scroll through our phones, we are not providing full attention towards our little ones. This may cause some unforeseen circumstances.

Impact on Parent-Child Relationships

Phones create a barrier for parents and their children. It’s difficult to connect with someone who is seemingly focused on something else. These distractions are causing parents to miss out on bonding moments with their kids, ultimately leaving children feeling unimportant.

Children are also like sponges, absorbing the environment around them. They tend to model behaviors they see. When they see their caregivers prioritizing phone use over personal interactions, they view this as normal behavior. Chances are, they will do the same thing, creating a new cycle of technology dependence.

Emotional Consequences

Growing up with parents who are always distracted, children cannot develop regulation skills properly. Kids need undivided attention, guidance, and availability from their caregivers in order to learn how to navigate the world around them. If a child is showing excitement, sadness, or the need for reassurance, and a parent cannot provide them comfort due to their attention being elsewhere, this may lead to feelings of insecurity and emotional disconnect.

Communication Skills

Social interactions between parent and child are crucial for verbal and non-verbal communication skills to develop. This may include learning social cues, manners, facial expressions, carrying on conversations, eye contact, and expressing their emotions. When social interactions are disrupted by technology, there are fewer opportunities for communication. Without learning proper social skills, children may have a difficult time meeting new people and making friends when they start school.

Strategies for Mindful Phone Use

It’s unrealistic to say you need to completely eliminate phone use. In fact, it’s going to be beneficial to model healthy phone use! Here are some practical tips for managing phone use:

• Set Boundaries: Designate specific places and times throughout the house where phone use is limited. Dinner time, bedtime, and playtime are great places to start. As kids get older, there can be a time where phones are put away during homework or spending quality family time.
• Use Technology Wisely: Most phones today have “do not disturb” settings or app timers that restrict the use of the phone after a set amount of time. When being with children, turn off the phone, or prioritize important calls or texts while limiting non-essential phone use.
• Engage in Quality Time: Make an effort to engage in activities with children that allow opportunities for connection and communication. This may include reading together, playing a game, or just talking about your days.
• Seek Professional Help: It’s possible that you may not even realize your phone use is a problem. If you are suspecting an issue with you or your children, seek help from a mental health professional. Therapists can help teach mindful skills and find more effective ways to manage stress rather than turning to phones. Reach out today!

Self-esteem is more than just feeling good about ourselves. It influences our perception of our self-image, interactions with others, and how to approach and solve life’s challenges. Parental figures play a role in the development of self-esteem, and it begins in childhood. As parents and caregivers, how can you build positive and healthy self-esteem in your children, and why does it matter?

Why Does Self-Esteem Matter?

When children feel confident in their abilities, they are more willing to try new things. Self-esteem fosters pride, helps with coping and overcoming mistakes, as well as helps them form healthy relationships.

Children with low self-esteem often feel unsure of themselves, being hesitant to make friends, stand up for themselves, or be involved with activities at all. When they fail, they struggle with coping, leading to emotional distress and frustrations.

So what helps with raising self-esteem?

1. Praise Traits and Behaviors

It feels good to be told what others like about us, and this is no exception for children. Rather than just saying general statements such as, “good job,” be more specific. Praise traits of theirs that you like, for example, “I love how kind you are! You are so nice to your friends by helping them clean up.” When providing praise, remember to be selective about what you’re praising and sound genuine.

2. Celebrate Their Differences

Children are observant, including what makes them different from other children. Instead of having them feel shame for being different, celebrate their unique qualities. Ask your child what they don’t like about their differences and help them see that you love everything about them, and they should, too.

3. Focus on Strengths

Pay close attention to what your child is good at. If they enjoy an activity, encourage them to do it more. Give them opportunities to develop these skills. Try not to dwell on what your child did “wrong”. If it’s a behavior, correct it while also giving them feedback on what they do well.

4. Teach Resilience

A part of building self-esteem is understanding that there will be times of failure. Setbacks are all a part of life, and they are great learning opportunities. Highlighting failures as positives can help your child build resilience and never give up when they make mistakes. Support their problem-solving by helping them find solutions.

5. Promote Independence

Allow your children to make decisions for themselves, even if you do not agree with them. A part of growing up is making choices, and dealing with whatever consequences those choices bring. You can teach good decision-making skills as well as how to take accountability for actions. Put your trust in them to learn responsibility by completing tasks, chores, and schoolwork.

6. Be a Positive Role Model

Children learn by watching those around them. Parents and caregivers should try their best to set a good example. Model positive attitudes and behaviors, tackle challenges with confidence, and take pride in the work that you do. Help your children identify other positive role models in the media. With so much exposure to celebrities and internet influencers, it may benefit your child to help them find qualities about them to look up to.

7. Encourage Healthy Relationships

Healthy relationships with peers and family members help to build self-esteem. Caregivers should encourage their child to form friendships that bring them joy and instill their self-confidence, participate in group activities, like sports or after-school extracurriculars, and to develop social skills. Feeling connected and accepted by others reinforces feelings of belonging and helps with self-esteem.

8. Professional Help

Parenting is hard, and sometimes you need a little extra help. Mental health professionals, like therapists or counselors, can help your child with their self-esteem, while also providing you with powerful resources to support your child at home. Surrounding your child with unconditional love and support will help them grow and develop a positive self-image. Reach out today to set up an appointment!

There is nothing more frustrating than the feeling of invalidation from parents or caregivers. To children, this dismissal sends the message of “your feelings don’t matter.” Growing up this way can have lasting effects, including a strained relationship between parent and child.

What Is Parental Invalidation?

Parental invalidation is when a parent dismisses, undermines, or ignores a child’s emotions, thoughts, and experiences. It can present in many ways, from rejecting the child altogether, to minimizing their emotions to an over-exaggeration. Regardless of its form, invalidation can impact children’s emotional development and their self-esteem.

Why Is Parental Invalidation Harmful?

• Low Self-Esteem: A child may interpret constant invalidation as feelings of worthlessness. They may grow up feeling like they will never be good enough. This can affect their overall sense of confidence.
• Loss of Trust: A pattern of invalidation can damage the trust between a parent and child. Eventually, children will learn not to confide in their caregivers, leading to trust issues that develop in adult relationships.
• Emotional Dysregulation: Invalidation interrupts a child learning to regulate their emotions. They may grow up with little to no knowledge about how they are feeling and why, causing social withdrawal, isolation, and the development of mental health issues.
• Anger: After being invalidated so many times, children may grow up to resent their parents. As adults, they can form and hold on to grudges, making it difficult to mend the relationship.

Ways to Recognize Parental Invalidation

• Dismissing Feelings: Saying phrases like “This isn’t a big deal,” or “You’re being too sensitive,” are showcasing to your child that their feelings are wrong. Children will become ashamed of how they are reacting to difficult emotions.
• Comparisons: A parent telling a child that they should not feel a certain way because somebody else has it “way worse.”
• Ignoring: This is simply parents ignoring a child’s feelings, expressions, changing the subject, or seeming disinterested as they share.
• Mocking or Ridiculing: Making fun of a child’s experience or thoughts, belittling them, or using sarcasm as a response to their expressions.
• Overruling Preferences: This may look like a parent shutting down their child’s ideas. For example, if a child asks for a specific snack, and a parent responds with “no, you’re having this instead,” the parent is ignoring their child’s choice and forcing one upon them.
• Non-Verbal Cues: Rolling eyes, sighing, or walking away are all non-verbal signs of invalidation. Children perceive these behaviors as their caregivers being uninterested in them.
• Negative Behavior Patterns: Interrupting or talking over a child when they are trying to express themselves, or even dismissing their accomplishments, are unhelpful patterns of behavior.

Alternative Approaches

How can parents correct their invalidation patterns? Here are some alternative approaches to try:

Active Listening

Give your child your full, undivided attention when they are speaking. Discuss what you hear to ensure you are understanding them, and if not, ask questions for clarification and to show interest.

Empathy

Even if you cannot relate to what your child is experiencing, try to put yourself in their shoes. This does not necessarily mean to agree with everything they are saying, but acknowledge that you are hearing them and that no matter what, their feelings are valid.

Apologize

Even parents have reasons to apologize. If you recognize that you invalidated their feelings, own up to the mistake and tell your child you are sorry. Not only does this build a connection between parent and child, but it also teaches your children how to apologize when they’re wrong.

Seek Professional Help

If you notice a disconnect between you and your child, seeking help from a mental health professional can provide support and guidance for improving your relationship. Therapists can teach effective communication techniques and help you find alternate ways of validation. Reach out and schedule a session today!

Communicating with children can sometimes feel like talking to a wall. You may be saying the right things, but are they actually listening? As parents or caregivers, effective communication with kids is crucial for their development, understanding, and cooperation. Here are five strategies to help you engage your children in meaningful conversations and ensure that they truly hear what you’re saying.

1. Active Listening

Communication is not just about talking; it’s also about learning to listen and really hear what is being said. When your child speaks, give them your full, undivided attention. Get down to their level, maintain eye contact, and show genuine interest in what they’re saying.

Active listening involves paraphrasing their words to show you understand, asking open-ended questions to encourage further discussion and to avoid one-word responses, and refraining from interrupting them. By actively listening to your child, you’re demonstrating respect for their thoughts and feelings, which fosters trust and openness in your relationship.

2. Use Clear and Positive Language

Kids respond to clear, concise language that they can easily understand. Avoid using complex vocabulary, and instead speak in simple terms that match their cognitive level. Additionally, frame your messages positively. Instead of saying statements like “Don’t do that,” try saying “Please try it this way.”

Positive language helps children focus on what they should do rather than what they shouldn’t, leading to more cooperative behaviors. Furthermore, be mindful of your tone of voice. A calm and reassuring tone can diffuse tense situations and encourage effective dialogue.

3. Set Clear Expectations and Consequences

Establishing clear expectations and consequences helps children understand boundaries and the outcomes of their actions. When communicating rules or expectations, be specific about what behavior is expected and why it’s important. For example, instead of giving them general rules to follow such as, “Be good,” try explaining specifics about what being good means, like “please use your inside voice and take turns speaking.”

Clearly outline the consequences of not following the rules, but ensure that the consequences are reasonable and related to the behavior. Consistency is key; continue to enforce the rules to help children understand that actions have predicable outcomes.

4. Encourage Problem-Solving and Empathy

Rather than pushing solutions to problems, encourage your children to think critically and come up with their own solutions. Ask them open-ended questions that encourages them to problem-solve, such as “what do you think we should do about this?”

If they hurt someone with words or actions, trying asking them how they think the other person felt by their behaviors. This will empower children to take ownership of their actions and develop problem-solving skills.

Also, teaching empathy is essential for building strong interpersonal relationships. Encourage your children to consider other’s perspectives and feelings. By fostering empathy, you’re laying the groundwork for compassionate communication and conflict resolution skills.

5. Lead By Example

Children are like sponges and learn by observing the behaviors of adults. As a caregiver, it is important to model effective communication skills in your interactions with others, including your partner, friends, and family members. Demonstrate active listening, clear and positive language, and problem-solving techniques with daily interactions.

Show respect, empathy, and patience in your conversations, even in challenging situations. Leading by example will teach your children valuable tools and resources to help them navigate stressors in life. You can help them build a positive and supportive environment where they feel comfortable expressing themselves openly and honestly.

Remember, communication is a two-way street, and building a strong foundation of trust and openness is essential for healthy parent-child relationship. It may be beneficial to seek additional help from a metal health professional who can provide a safe space to learn these communication skills. Attend sessions with your child to foster a supportive environment. If you feel counseling may be helpful reach out and schedule a session today!