As parents, it’s natural to fear how your words or actions may be impacting your children. Worrying about your child’s well-being is what makes you a great parent! It’s easy to dwell on the “wrong” things we are doing as parents, but in doing this, we may not even realize all the positives we do for them. Here are 5 unexpected ways you may be boosting your child’s self-esteem.
1. Giving Them Choice
Without a doubt, parents want to protect their children from failure or disappointment. However, giving them choice and allowing them to take risks can significantly boost their self-confidence. When children make their own decisions, even if it’s as simple as choosing what snack they want to eat, they will learn the importance of decision-making, and the consequences that come with it.
Yes, they will make mistakes. But they will also become resilient. They will understand that failure is a part of life, not a definition of their self-worth.
For example, if a child wants to make the choice to climb a tree, your first instinct may be to say “no” because it’s dangerous. Allowing them the freedom to climb the tree will show that you trust in their abilities, and they should, too.
2. Modeling Self-Compassion
Children learn the best by observing others. As their primary caregivers, kids will watch and mimic your actions the most. How you handle your own mistakes, setbacks, and failures will model to your children on how they should handle theirs. If your child sees you practicing self-compassion, such as acknowledging your mistakes without harsh criticism of yourself, they are likely to develop the same attitude about themselves.
Imagine you made a mistake at work. Instead of beating yourself up for the mistake, reflect on how you can do better, and move forward with a positive mindset. As your child witnesses this, they will learn that their mistakes do not define them.
3. Encouraging Independence
It can feel tempting to want to do everything for our child because it’s quicker and easier, but having them take responsibility for tasks and chores around the house can actually increase their self-esteem. Allowing your toddler to dress themselves, even if the outfit doesn’t match, having a child make their lunch for school, or having an older sibling babysit, shows them that they can achieve independence.
When children accomplish a task on their own, they experience a sense of mastery. This reinforces the idea that they are competent people who can work towards their goals. Furthermore, encouraging children to do tasks and chores on their own teaches them that their contributions matter, and being responsible is a good quality to have as they get older.
4. Listening Without Judgement
One of the most powerful ways to build our children’s self-esteem is to simply listen. When a child feels heard and understood without the fear of criticism, it validates them and makes them feel respected.
If a child comes to you with a problem, the best way for you to handle this is to listen and empathize. Take a minute before going right into problem-solving mode. Asking open-ended questions and helping them explore their feelings is a way to teach them their thoughts and emotions are important, and they should have faith in their own opinions and decisions.
5. Celebrating Effort
It’s common to celebrate achievements in school or sports, but it’s just as important to praise efforts too. When you acknowledge their hard work, you send a message that their value is not solely reliant on success.
An example could be a child working hard on a science fair project, but not winning a prize. They may feel disappointment, however you praise them for their hard work, anyway. This recognition helps them develop a growth mindset, where they understand that their effort leads to improvement and success.
If you or your child struggle with self-esteem, therapy can help. Reach out today to set up an appointment.