When your teenager loses a friend to suicide, it’s a heartbreaking and overwhelming experience to say the least. As a parent, you may feel unsure about how to provide the support your teen. It also may bring up some of your own fears for your child’s mental health and safety. Here are some important things to remember when it comes to supporting your teen through this confusing and painful time.
Understand Everyone Experiences Grief Differently
Everyone experiences grief differently and teens are no exception. It is normal to experience a vast range of emotions during the grieving process including: shock, denial, sadness, anger, avoidance, guilt, or confusion. Here are some of the most common reactions to grief:
- Withdrawal from loved ones
- Difficulty sleeping, or sleeping more than usual
- Difficulty concentrating in school
- Struggling with grades, failing test
- Risky behaviors
- Feeling numb
- Expressions of hopelessness or guilt
Communication and a Safe Space
One of the most important things you can do as a parent is to create a safe space for your teen to talk, when they are ready. Try to resist the urge to ask the questions you may have out of curiosity and make sure not to force them to open up if they are not ready. Let them know you are here for them if they want to talk. Ask them questions like “How can I support you best in this time?” If they tell them they don’t know, you can let them know it’s okay they aren’t sure what they need, and if they do think of anything that might be helpful, they can let you know. You also might ask them “what is not helpful?” Sometimes for teens it’s easier to identify things that frustrate them over the helpful things, this allows you to do the opposite and potentially help them feel more supported in this difficult time.
Your teenager may not open up right away, but knowing that they can talk to you if and when they are ready is crucial. Let them know they are not alone in their grief and you are there to support them. The beginning stages of grief are often experienced in shock in denial. Often by the time someone’s brain can actually wrap their head around what has happened, and they need support the most, everyone has moved on with their life. Make sure to check in weeks and even months later. This let’s them know it’s okay to still be grieving.
Don’t Make it About You
Make sure you aren’t making it about you. While this is likely never a parent’s intention. Suicide is not just heartbreaking and overwhelming for the teen, it is scary for adults too. It can bring up fears surrounding your own child’s mental health. If your child has been actively suicidal in the past, it is a good time to check in with them on their own thoughts. If you have safety concerns for them, you should immediately take them to the emergency room or a mental health crisis center to be evaluated. If you do not have immediate safety concerns, try self-regulate so you can show up for them in the ways they need. If teens see their parents falling apart, they may feel they need to keep their feelings to themselves so they don’t “overwhelm” their caregiver. It is of course ok to show them your grief for them and the situation, but they need to know the adults in their lives are taking care of them during this time, rather than feeling they need to be strong for their caregivers. This can be tough to balance, so it’s best to reach out to other adults in your life for support so you can best support your teen during this time.
Allow them to be sad. As caregivers, we often want to fix things for our children, because it is so heartbreaking to see them in pain. However, when we try to fix things, or rush along grief, we communicate it is not okay to be sad. As a caregiver, you have to learn how to sit in your own grief so they can feel the freedom to grief at the pace they need.
Supporting Your Teenager’s Mental Health
While emotional support from family is important, professional therapy can also be a crucial part of healing after a loss, especially because suicide isn’t just grief, it’s also trauma. Trauma-informed grief counseling can provide your teenager with a safe space to process their experience and heal from the trauma they have experienced.
Seeking mental health therapy can prevent elongated suffering and help your child gain strength in the face of tragedy. Parent’s can also benefit from counseling in processing their own emotions related to these experiences. This helps them to show up better for their teen, and it models it’s okay to ask for help.
Tips for Helping Your Teen Cope with Loss
Here are some additional strategies you can use to support your teen during this challenging time:
- Normalize Grief
It’s important for teens to understand that grief is a normal reaction to losing someone they care about. Encourage them to express their emotions, whether through talking, journaling, or engaging in creative activities like art or music.
- Maintain Routine and Structure
After a traumatic event, maintaining a sense of routine can provide your teen with a sense of stability. Encourage them to stay engaged with school, extracurricular activities, and social connections.
- Monitor Their Mental Health
Keep an eye on how your teen is coping with their emotions. If you notice concerning behaviors like withdrawing from loved ones, expressing hopelessness, or engaging in self-harm, it’s crucial to seek professional help right away.
- Encourage Peer Support
Teenagers often find comfort in talking to friends who may be going through similar emotions. Encouraging your teen to connect with their peers can help them feel less isolated in their grief.
When to Seek Professional Therapy
It’s natural for your teenager to experience intense emotions after losing a friend to suicide, but if their grief seems to persist or worsen over time, it may be time to consider professional counseling. Prolonged sadness, feelings of guilt, or changes in behavior like disengagement from daily activities could indicate that your teen is struggling to process the loss on their own.
Finding a therapist that specializes in working with teens experiencing grief can help your child work through their emotions and develop healthy coping strategies for managing their grief. If you feel your teenager could benefit from counseling, don’t hesitate to reach out to us.
Losing a friend to suicide is a life-changing event for any teenager. As a parent, your role is to provide comfort, patience, and a supportive environment where your child feels safe to express their emotions. Professional mental health therapy is an invaluable resource that can help your teen navigate the complex emotions of grief and loss.
If your family is seeking support during this difficult time, we are here to help. Our specialized therapists are trained to work with teens and children, providing the care and guidance they need to heal. We also work to support parents through parent coaching so that you can best support your child. If you think counseling may help you or your teen. Don’t hesitate to reach out today for a free 15 minute phone consultation.